I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
