Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
