he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it glows. i had to have it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
