i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
