i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
