just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
