there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He better not be in your backpack
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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