I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
