I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
