Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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