Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
