Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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