I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
