did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
