Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
