Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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