I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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