I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
