I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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