y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
