booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
