He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
