my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
