Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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