i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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