Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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