would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
