fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
