How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
