my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
