By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
id be glad to
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
