Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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