I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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