i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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