Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Non-Jews are for practice
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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