I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
