I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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