yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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