I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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