Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
