You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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