eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
