I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
