Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
