Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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