Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
