I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
