Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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