lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
