I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
