Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
