I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
