I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
