At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
