The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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