I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
