brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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