no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
