Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
