is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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