I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
