He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
