I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
