i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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