So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
