OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need to calm my uterus...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
