the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
